Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Hot Dog's Trauma

In previous post, I talked about having perspective on the trial that my family is facing with our health. I have tried to down play everything going on, specifically with Hot Dog, just simply because he's not dying. There are many children who are dealing with terminal cancer and such. We're not and I am terrible thankful for that fact. But I must stop pretending that the things we're facing aren't there. I don't want them to be there. I don't want my little boy to hurt anymore.

I made a mistake this weekend that I wish I could say "I told you so" to several people. I have felt on many occasions that our health needs aren't really so important to certain people. It's that way with my own children. They don't seem to understand that even the slightest bit of sugar that would go into Hot Dog's mouth will send him into a flurry of itching and eczema. Even Underdog chafes at it. He posted several weeks ago about how he missed cold cereal. I felt bad. In my mind when he says things like that I feel as if I am not taking care of my first priority below God. We had cold cereal for dinner on date night and I ended up getting sick (no details needed at this.) This weekend we were going to my mom's house to eat after church. My brother was in town. Hot Dog's biggest food problem is dairy (mostly cow's dairy or anything pasteurized.) She calls and tells me that she's making ice cream for everyone. What!!!! She wants to get Hot Dog some popsicles that have "alternative" or "better" sugars in them. With the better sugars, it will feed the fungus. With the artificial sweeteners, you end up with bad chemicals in the body including the sweeteners that replace sugar, lots of food dyes, OR real fruit. . .which feeds fungus. I told her that we wouldn't be eating it. I could tell she wasn't happy but she accepted it. When we arrived on Sunday, they were making the ice cream for the whole world to see. I found out later they were going to send it home with my brother. The more I thought about that the more I realized how dumb that was. Homemade ice cream would not have made a 3 hour drive home in the early summer Texas heat. I don't know if they were going to try to eat if after we left or not. We stayed until near dinner that night. My brother left before we did. I caved. I feel such a need to keep the peace and allow my mom to grandmother as she needs to. So this is where the "I told you so" WANTS to come in. But I just can't. I can't put this off on my mom. I caved. It was me. I did want to keep the peace, that was part of it. But the reality is that I let my own food addictions and cravings cave in. I grew up on homemade ice cream. I love it and miss it. So I wasn't thinking of anyone but myself. Underdog could have said something to me but it just would hae made me angry. And I know he wanted the ice cream as well. I justified to myself that I was testing things out just to see if it really is cow's milk that breaks Hot Dog out. I got more than I bargained for this morning.

I could tell my Monday afternoon that he was going to break out. I thought that would be the worse. Yesterday he was pretty bad off but not so much that he had to wear PJs all day to keep from scratching. At Professor PeePooh's t-ball game last night he was bitten by something. We aren't sure what it was but it left a quarter inch welt on his hand. It hard and fluid filled. This morning he woke up with tiny fluid filled bumps all over his body and in large clusters on his legs. I called to get an appointment with his pediatrician. By the time we arrived at the office he ring finger on his right hand was swollen to twice it's normal size (and he has those cute little pudgey finger that all 2 yod have.) He also has a cold that the rest of us are fighting. His doctor didn't seem to indicate it could be a rash from the cold (you know how sometimes a viral infection will cause a weird rash in young children.) She wants to do some blood testing for food allergies and possible dyficiencies.

I have known that I have sin problem around food. I love rich but bad for you food. I grew up on it. It's what I know and what is easy. I realize now that this must stop. I am starting my journey in healthy living in a very humble state. I have no power in my own right to overcome the pull that food has on me.

We have a 10 year old birthday party this week. We are serving lots of junk. Thankfully this is a girls only part so I don't have to deal with Hot Dog and what he wants to eat. But I am about to go through my house and throw away any foods that I know could temp me to eat or give to my children and trash it. I am excited to bless my daughter but I will be glad when it's over and I can concentrate on learning about traditional foods and traditional living. We seem to be approaching a good place for planning our coming school year (more on my Grace Academy blog.)

Although my soul is pricked with the magtitude of my sin, I have peace in my heart that God is moving. He works all things for the good for those that love Him and are called according to his purpose. I know He is working in this. If anything, the health struggles I am facing with my child are forcing me my knees in total dependence upon him. I can't blame anyone for my choices. But I can move forward and stand up for all of benefit. sadly, I am afraid it going to mean that some fellowship is cut off for the protection of my children. There are some people that won't allow me to make a decision without voicing their opinion and underminding my authority. And I cave everytime they do this. So now I am going to have to limit these times or at least make sure that fellowship takes place on my turf. That will be true for all fellowship with others. I must control these situations instead of being afraid to be different. As usual, fear seems to be something that is the root of my sins. I am ready to overcome and believe that is part of what God is working in me. I am excited to move toward freedom.

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