A Letter to my MFW Friends

I am part of several groups on Facebook that use the My Father's World curriculum.  I only use the MFW Kindergarten and 1st grade level before moving on to other things.  I love interacting with these very dedicated women.  Some of these wonderful ladies have committed to not just doing K or 1st but they have older children with which they are trying to do the MFW upper levels.  Honestly, that was not something I could ever wrap my little brain around.  I think I ended up going with a more difficult program for our history but for some reason I just simply couldn't figure out how to make the other levels of MFW world with all my kids.  I digress.  This wasn't the purpose for my post today.  

As we are getting into the midst of everyone starting school, I am seeing lots of "help me" posts. Whether it's toddlers wanting to be the center of everything, diaper messes, or school aged children who have just decided that school is not for them (that has been my battle for 2 weeks and it came to a head this morning), we are all struggling with something. 

There was one post that really got my attention today.  I had an answer all ready.  My answer wasn't gentle though.  After I read it again it just had a "what's wrong with you" kind of answer.  As if I had all the answers when my kids were the age of their children.  Hello stupid!!  Sheesh Karen!!  I was slapping myself.   I scrapped it and sat for while.  Then I remembered back to the earlier days when I had 7 children ranging in ages of newborn to 11.  My children are not really very far apart.  I have literal stair steps.  But I received a spiritual reprimand from the Lord to remember where I've come from.  To remember the encouragement other moms had offered me in those times.  So rather than give advice today, I decided to act on that reprimand and do something different.  

I was going to post this on the Facebook pages but I decided to put it in blog form.  It was getting to be too long for FB and I decided to put it on a prettier page.  :)  

So here's my message to all my MFW mommies (and others who might be helped):  

I want to encourage all of you that we serve a God of great comfort and love toward each and every one of you and your children.  He sees everything that happens. He knows before you wake what will happen. Yet His promise is that His mercies are new every morning. You can rest in that fact today. 

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,

"therefore I will hope in him." 

Lamentations 3:22-24 ESV)

Your school does not have to be perfect. 
He is already perfect for you. 

Your children don't have to perform like your friend's children. 
He did it for them. 

You don't have to be the pinterest perfect mom. Haha!!  
He already did it for us. 

Ladies, God's grace is sufficient for you. 

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my 

power is made perfect is weakness."  Therefore I will boast 

all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of 

Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV)

Through your weaknesses, HIS power is made perfect. 

Done.  Finished.  What you do is enough.  And where it isn't, He's already done it for you. 

So drop what you are doing right now and go hug your babies. If you've had a bad day and lost your cool, apologize for that. Let them see your weakness in order that your God may be glorified and His power made perfect. If you've got problems you don't know how to fix, go to Him and then rest and trust He will answer. That stinky sweet little 2yod that won't do anything you give them to do so you can get school done was put there to sanctify YOU. Let Him do that by driving you into His arms and His word. 

Sanctify them in the truth;

your word is truth. (John 17:17 ESV)

I just sensed the frustration in so many of you right now. Please believe me when I say I really understand. I am very close to being out do the trenches but I haven't forgotten. I have wrestled with my fair share of sleepless wonders in my earlier days. I still have a preschooler who is in and out of needing naps.  It's so very obvious when that child is growing.  Good grief, child, SLEEP!!  (Said quite often in my house.)  I have to sit in her room to get her to fall asleep (or read Mrs. Piggle Wiggle.  There's a running joke now in our house that HooLee hates Mrs. Piggle Wiggle because every time I read it to her, she ends up taking a nap.  Mommy LOVES Mrs. Piggle Wiggle!!!)  I still have a child who just hates school and would rather play (told me so today.) Oh to know the balance in requiring school and meeting his need to simply roam and be a free spirit. God will answer. I believe. 

I love this verse:  

"He will tend his flock like a shepherd;

he will gather the lambs in his arms; 

he will carry them in his bosom, and gently

lead those that are with young."

(Isaiah 40:11 ESV)

These little ones are our sheep.  He promises to lead us and help us.  Trust that He will in His perfect timing.  

"...shepherd the flock of God that is among you,

exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but 

willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain,

but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge,

but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:2-3 ESV)

This is one of my favorite Mommy songs.  I listen to this so much when I need to remember His faithfulness to me.  I'm sure you all have heard it.  Enjoy it regardless.  

The blogsphere is hot over this recent interview with Rahna Reiko Rizzuto who left her husband and children in order to "find" herself.  It happened after she was sent overseas for a six month period to study in Japan (which no one seems to question as a wise choice in the first place.)  She commented that she feels like she if she hadn't left she said. . .

"I don’t think so…I probably would have never looked up and said, ‘Whoa…I did that thing that I didn’t want to do which was give up my life for someone else’ "

I have been reading alot of blogs recently that have brought this story to forefront. It truly is sad that she left. I fear that the media has lifted her up as a model and many more will begin to follow.

The following blogs have had so great things to say: 

Disposable Motherhood - Generation Cedar
Redefining Motherhood - True Woman Blog
"Why I Walked Away from Being a Mom" - Your Sacred Calling


While I have appreciated these articles, I can't seem to get something off my mind.  Without Christ, I would do the same thing. My sinful heart craves ME time.  My sinful heart sometimes resents this calling.  I have often heard the siren call to send my kids to school and have more time to pursue what interests me. 

I used to be the type of person that needed to "find" myself.  I was a Christian sitting in one of those preschool mother's support groups. . .you know the kind that tell you that mom needs to take care of herself in order to take better care of her family. I now understand the futility of that message.  At one point, though, I swallowed it whole.  This is the Christian version of woman finding herself.   It exists and no one seems to want to own it. 

The realization in my life that I desperately needed Jesus in my life is what saved me from that life. I finally came to recognize just how bad my sin really was before God.  Without Jesus, I really would be this woman in Christian form.  But Jesus gripped my heart and began to stit in me to the need to re-evaluate this path.  It was hard at first. I had my 2 oldest in a mother's day out program. I enjoyed those days to myself. I felt like a new woman when I picked them up. It didn't last.  It seemed that the more time I got to myself, the more I needed to be a "new" woman.  They just irritated me.  But the conviction to have them home was growing stronger.  I felt convicted to bring them home.  But I didn't obey it.  God used unemployment to force my hand.  I might add that this all occurred while I was being treated for post-partum depression. Unfortunatley, I found other ways to "find" myself. I spent alot of time on the computer. But I didn't spend that time with my kids. I was "finding" myself so I could be a better mom.  I have grown alot since then but I still have my moments.

I mention all this to say that we, as moms at home (or what have you), can sit and critique what this woman did. We ALL have the compacity to walk away though.  We are not immune to the desire to "find" ourselves and seek our own. It's the sin of Eve all over again.  She wanted her own way.  She wanted to "find" herself in the midst of the garden without God.  She questioned His best and sought to "find" herself.  The enemy hasn't stopped enticing women in this way.  It can show up in many different scenerios.  The temptation are forever before us.  But for the grace of God go I.

Yes, our society has become one that loves their pets more than they love children.  Birth control is not something people even thinking about or (for the Christian) are prayful over.  They automatically assume they will use birth control with little regard the ramifications of what they are doing.  They must have their career first (as if motherhood is not a legitimate career choice.)  There is little thought as to whether children are even of any value, or morese, blessings from the Lord.  In the secular world, it's even worse.  Many women are willing to kill their babies so that they can  continue to "find" themselves.  But I can see so many ways where the Bride of Christ has bought the message of the secular world and seek to find themselves.  We can sugar coat this all we want.  We can deny the reality.  But it's out there.  Just search in some of the latest "Christian" bookstores and you'll these message everywhere. 

Mothering requires tons of sacrifice.  It often does mean losing yourself.  But isn't that the message of the cross? 

Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.          Matthew 10:39

And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?  (Luke 9:23-25)

The Christian life, whether you are a man or woman, is about losing yourself in order to bring utmost glory to the Father.  There is no ME TIME in motherhood.  There is only time to serve the Lord.   

And lest we judge, it would be so easy for us to wake up one day and walk away.  We can physically walk away but we're more likely to emotional walk away.  Let's be very cautious as we look at the life of this woman not to be too quick to jump in and criticize her decisions.  Was she wrong?  I think so.  She has denied her children the beauty of a mother and denied herself the beauty of loving sacrificially.  If she knows Jesus and claims Christ, she's denied her calling as a Christian mom.  If she doesn't know Jesus, then in reality, she's only acting according to her nature.  We shouldn't be so surprised by it.  As Christian mom's, however, we need to be vigilant not to fall prey to the different ways the enemy can entice us to seek to "find" ourselvs.  We must guard our hearts lest we fall. 


Christian moms, eam your hearts.  Are you seeking ways to "find" yourself?  You are looking for that ever tempting ME TIME?  Are you resentful when more is required of you, such as in nursing a sick child, getting up with a baby at time to nurse, or perhaps having to take care of the children more than it seems you husband might be?  These should a red flag that we are seeking to "find" ourselves.  We don't have to leave as Rahna did.  She just acted on the sin in her heart.  We must guard against doing this ourselves. 

Safe Eyes Internet Safety Filter

I am going to write a review about the book where I found this filter.  In the meantime, after reading one of the chapters and making a big deal about keeping your daughter's heart, I wanted to recommend this internet filter as well.  The book is called Six Ways to Keep the Little in Your Girl by Dannah Gresh.  I highly recommend this book to all moms with tween girls and those that are almost there.   Even if you don't agree with everything that Dannah talks about, you will still glean wisdom from her words.  Again, I will be writing a more thorough review of it in the weeks to come but I think it's necessary to get the words about getting a filter on your computer.  My kids are not allowed on the computer for anything but typing practice and possible school research they may have.  But even looking for pictures on the web for projects was becoming very scary and it was just ME looking for them.  That is why I finally decided to get the filter.  Oh, and there is a coupon code to get it at 20% off.  Here is the link to the code:  http://www.filterguide.com/safebrowse.htm

It Starts Young

photo credit found at http://www.creative-preschool-activities.com/

I few days ago I posted about winning our daughters hearts.  I am very passionate about it.  So much so that I wish I had opportunities to take young mothers aside and talk with them about it.  I am a frustrated Titus 2 woman in that way.  I am quite a shy person.  In some ways, I probably fight a bit of self-centeredness in that I don't break out of my shell.  Often I am worried about how people will think about me and other such nonsense.  To be truthful, I have begun to realize that these are the very things that I want to help my daughters work through as young girls.  I desperately want them to not struggle with being people pleasers.  I must fight my own tendency to people please so that I can model it for them.

When I was a young mom I joined a mother group at church centered specifically around preschoolers.  It's a national group that has the goal of encouraging moms through the trenches of raising preschoolers.  The basic premise of the group is that mom need to take care of herself so she can take care of her children.  The idea still makes me cringe.  At first I liked the group.  I even sat on the steering committee for a while.

At the same time I was heavily involved in this mom's group, I was receiving message about mothering through some of the homeschool websites I was searching through.  These message were quite different.  It was basically about dying to my needs and living to meet the needs of my children.  The fact is, however, these messages about dying to self for the sake of your children were coming directly from scripture.  I couldn't honestly find much in God's Word to support the "take care of yourself first" model.  In fact, I began to realize that the more I sought to take care of myself, the more discontent I became with being a mother.  I didn't want to be with my kids as much.  They were a bother to me.  Goodness, I was taking care of myself so I could take care of them.  They were in the way.  I also began to notice that I wasn't the only one.

By God's Sovereign hand, I ended up in a position where I had to pull my children out of the mother's day out I have put them in so I could take care of myself.  Oh the joy of bringing them home.  It was awkward at first.  But I soon began to find that I really did like having them around.  It's taken years for me to truly learn how to die to self in taking care of them all.  Truth be told, I am not very good at it.  But I pray alot and seek the Father's grace in helping me do the rest that I fail so miserably at when attempted on my own.

So why the title "It Starts Young" and revisiting the idea of winning our daughters hearts.  Because it starts early.  If moms in this world are receiving messages that they need to look after number one so they can look after number two, that is exactly what they will do.  They won't believe in Christ's words that we must die to self.  Here are His own words to us.

And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.  Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matthew 10:38-39)  

How can we justify seeking to take care of ourselves first when we're asked to lose our lives for His sake?  Many would ask, "How is possible to do that?  I get so tired by the end of my day."  The answer:

 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. (2 Corinthians 9:8)

This is my favorite verse.  If you ever send an email you will see it in the reply.  If you look to the side bar of my blog, you will see it there.  It is the very center of my blog. . .Living By Daily Grace.  

The point I originally wanted to make is simply that winning the hearts of our daughters (or children for that matter) doesn't start when they reach the tween or ever teen stages.  It starts from the womb.  It start with the attitude in the heart of the mother toward her baby (or children in general.)  Generation Cedar has a wonderful thought provoking post on this idea.  It's rather sobering to read it.   What we believe about children will effect how we raise them.

Being in the trenches shouldn't be about survival.  How many times have we met moms just simply trying to survive their little "monsters" until they are ready for kindergarten when they can begin to live again?  Oh those conversation break my heart.  So many people send the message of survival.  I think I probably have in the past but I am rethinking it.  Being in the trenches is the hardest work any mom and dad will ever do BUT if they use that time to pursue the hearts of their children and build that relationship they will definitely reap what they have sown.  It will be a beautiful relationship.  But if a mom is encouraged to pursue her own needs first, she will miss it.   It's my passion to help young moms avoid that and run after their children by lovingly embracing the call to lose their lives in order to find it.

  

Parenting a Tween

I feel as if I have been thrust quickly into the throws of parenting tweens and teens in the past few weeks.  I have seen my precious little girl begin to say things and act in ways that are foreign to her personality and character.  Regardless, this is my favorite season in life.  While most moms and dads dread the teen years, I have been waiting for them and I am excited to walk this road with my daughter. 

Regardless of my enthusiasm toward this time in her life, I have been very surprised by some of things that I have come out of her mouth recently.  Surprised and concerned.  Recently I heard her tell me she thought she was fat.  WHAT?!!!!  I had to think back to my our conversation and remember if I had ever said that about myself.  I remember my mom talking about being fat all the time.  She still does.   She's not fat.  She's an beautiful aging woman.  She won't listen to me though.  The culture has brainwashed her into believing that it all matters. 

How did I not turn out like that?  Well, my first admit that I do place an emphasis on the opinion of men and woman around me way too much.  But I have begun to ground myself in the Word as I have grown in my adult years and so the truths about my worth and even my appearance have begun to take root.  I had to face the truth of all this when I suffered some health problems that robbed me of my make-up.  I looked like a monster for a good portion of my oldest daughters first year when I developed an allergic reaction to make-up I had been wearing for years.  I was so insecure but it started to make me think about it.  Through the years I have rested on one particular verse in Proverbs 31. 

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (v.30)

As I have wrestled with that verse and what I knew of this world's values, I have found that I can rest in it's truth.  I am not so worried about my weight anymore.  Mind you, I will not let myself go or anything.  But that is more of a focus on my health as a means of glorifying God than it is vanity.  Wrapped up in the little verse is a truth that I am constantly telling my girls.  If you are spending more time in front of the mirror than you are in front of the Word of God (thus learning to fear Him) then your priorities are way out of place.  That is what I live my life around. 

Regardless of what I have preached to my daughter, the enemy has launched an all out attack on my daughter and her heart.  She confessed to me tonight that she knows I am trying to win her heart and she just doesn't understand why she won't give it to me.  I am seeking the Father to understand if there is something I am doing to push her away despite my efforts.  I trust He will show me.  But I also know that she's simply fighting and fighting hard.  Sending her off to the university school for a couple of hours two days a week has exactly where God has her.  But I do believe that some of these ideas and struggles are coming from that situation.  She's exposed to friends that are allow certain "priveleges" that she is not.  Many of her friends already have phones as well as have email and Facebook accounts.  Really?!!!!

That idea blew me away!  I got off Facebook for my sanity and to gain extra time for my family.  I still wonder what purpose the social networking sites actually have.  It's wasted time, in my opinion.  I know that people use it to keep in touch with family and such.  That is all well and good.  But for the vast majority of people, it's not used that way.  I am learning that teens are using it to abuse each other with cyber hate mail or simple gossip (as if gossip were that simple.)  There are way too many provocative and suggestive pictures posted on others.  At times, I wonder if some posts contained a secret language between two people.  Many people say they are using it to further the gospel.  Really?  Is that why people keep posting all those personal pictures of themselves or kids?  Does that really glorify God and yourself?  This is not a world I ready to introduce to a child that is already self-centered in her very core. 

I heart is crying to protect my daughter.  I am trying not to tighten the reins too much but that is where my heart wants to go.  She's just a little girl.  When I was 11 yod, I wanted to still play with my dolls and be a little girl.  I moved a suburb of Dallas when I in 5th grade.  These girls were wearing make up.  They were concerned about boys.  They didn't play with dolls anymore.  Once I got into 6th grade I realized that I ever wanted to fit in I was going to have to put all that stuff away.  What I really wanted was for my mommy and daddy to take me back to a place that I knew as fun and innocent.   We thrust our children so quickly into grown up situations.  The problem is that we never teach them or equip them in how to respond Biblically in these situations.  And the enemy is winning our children. 

I don't want this for my daughter.  I want to lead her to the cross so that she can find her security in Christ.  She belongs to Him.  She's a princess of the King of kings.  A princess.  Have you ever considered that?  If you have been bought by the blood of Christ, you are His princess.  That idea has impacted my life recently.  A princess would be faithful to her father, obedient, trusting.  Do I live my life like that toward Christ?  Sadly, I act like someone that doesn't want to belong to the King.  But I do.  This is what I want for my daughter.  She doesn't need fancy clothes, phones, social networking.  if she's going to place her hope in those, she will be lost and miserable.  But if she is courageous enough to follow Christ wholeheartedly even when it's a bit painful to do so, she will find her confidence lies ONLY IN HIM. 

21 My son, do not lose sight of these—
keep sound wisdom and discretion,
22 and they will be life for your soul
and adornment for your neck.
23 Then you will walk on your way securely,
and your foot will not stumble.
24 If you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
25 Do not be afraid of sudden terror
or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes,
26 for the Lord will be your confidence
and will keep your foot from being caught.
(Proverbs 3:21-26)

I love this verse.  As one who has fallen prey to the lies of the self-esteem movement, I found great comfort in knowing I know longer had to look to extrenals to find my confidence.  God is my confidence.  I still struggle as an adult at times not to worry about what others think of me.  "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but those who trust in the Lord will be kept safe." (Proverbs 29:25)  Ironically I learned that verse while seeing a counselor my first year of marriage.   I continually have to remind myself not to make man's opinions into an idol.  Unfortunately, I am going to through a major overhaul and reteaching from the Lord because much of my life had become about pleasing man rather than pleasing God. 

I digress.  I am writing this about my daughter.  She's a beautiful young girl.  I want her to know, however, that she is beautiful not just on the outside, but that it's the heart that really matters.  Her beauty will eventually fade.  Where will she be when that happens?  If her hope lies in her looks, talents, friends, etc., she will be hopeless.  But if her hope lies in Christ, she will be very rich indeed.

What about you?  Are you raising a tween/teen girl in these volatile times?  How are handling these years with her? 

Adventures in Potty Training

I love this story.  Our copy was ruined several years ago when someone was "reading" on the potty and it fell in the bathtub full of water.  It's such a cute story of a little princess who won't use the potty.  Finally, she's given some special bloomers under her dress and realizes that if she doesn't find a potty. . .Uh Oh.  My favorite part is giving special voices to the characters.  We have a good time with this book.  

As you can probably guess, it's time for another round of potty training with the Underdog Pups.  Pinky Poo is only 22 mos but has been showing some signs of being ready to potty train.  What are the signs of potty readiness?  Here are a few that I read years ago that stuck with me:  

1.  Waking up dry from a nap or having extended dry periods.  

2.  Doesn't like dirty hands. 

3.  Undressing themselves or taking diaper off.  

4.  Tell us that they need to use the potty and/or are ready to use the potty.  

5.  Disappearing to "hide" to use the potty.  

These are at least the signs I typically look for with small children.  So far, they've proven to be mostly true with my kids but at different times.  I think potty training has been quite easy in our home.  My oldest daughter was the hardest to train but she didn't like to poo on the potty.  It took a little longer with her.  ALL of my boys have waited until they were 3 yod to tell me they were ready to use the potty.  My typical answer to that was "Go for It."  I really didn't do alot to train them.  We put on underwear and if they got wet with an accident we changed.  Going #2 followed quickly behind.  After about 4 months, they were all trained except for night training.  

My 2nd daughter announced to me after her 2nd birthday that she wanted to use the potty. . .and she did.  She did all of it and went straight into wearing panties.  That is, until about 1 month before Pee Pooh was born.  She decided that diapers were more fun and wanted to go back.  Grrrrr!!!  I didn't say anything but just put her back in them.  A few months after he was born she wanted to go back to panties.  She struggled to night train but did eventually outgrow her struggles with that.  

Now we're to daughter #3.  She's been showing a few signs and I didn't want to lose that window of opportunity so a few weeks ago I put her on the potty just see what would happen.  She pottied!  She's only 22 mos but she knew enough to simply make herself go on the potty.  This morning I caught her poopin' in her diaper.  I stopped her and asked if she want to go sit on the potty.  She said "yes" and headed for the potty.  I got the mess in her diaper cleaned up and put her on the potty.  She finished!!  It was amazing.  In our house, the first few times to poo on the potty is rewarded with an organic lollipop.  WooHoo!!!  I have no illusions that she's fully potty trained.  She can barely talk to me so she can't always tell me coherently when she needs to sit on the potty.  But we'll keep work on it.  

I typically tell moms who ask me how and when to potty train their kids that I don't potty train.  I really do wait until they tell me they are ready.  It only takes a small amount of time if they really are ready.  All the people who work so hard to train their kids in 3 days work really hard to get it done.  I don't like the stress of it all though.  Now, that doesn't mean I don't do anything.  For instance, with Pinky Poo we've been practicing to sit on the potty.  The fact that she used the potty was a fluke to me.  But really.  I think that working yourself ragged to get a kid ready for the potty is really a waste of time.  They are all different as seen with my kids.  Don't try to make your child potty train like his friend in playgroup of Sunday school class.  Just because your best friend started early doesn't mean you have to.  I would not have put Pinky Poo on the potty so early is not for the fact that she's started undressing herself at every chance and asking for her hands to be wiped off in the middle of a meal.  So relax.  Yes, diapers are not fun and can be expensive.  But don't try to move beyond the physical and emotion abilities of your child simply to save a buck.  Enjoy these years, even the diapers. They will be gone before you know it.  

God Chose Me

Homemaking Link Up!!

I'd like to introduce you to my son.  This is PeePooh.  He got this name because he used to have exceptionally droopy draws.  I used to call him Droopy.  For some reason, the Pee of that name stuck and I added Pooh to it.  

PeePooh is my true middle child.  And like many middle children, he gets kind of lost in fray at times.  That has happened alot since his baby sister was born.  But I've had my eye on him though.  You see, there is something about this boy that has captured my heart.  Now I love all my children.  I love them all equally.  I can't tell you specifically what has caused him to capture so much of my heart, but he has.  

Perhaps it's his spaciness.  Perhaps it's his hyperactivity.  Perhaps it's his inability to sit still for longer than 3 seconds.  He struggles.  Daddy has a hard time understanding him.  He's impulsive, loud, obnoxious, and hard to get along with.  But I love him so.  My heart breaks every time I see him hurting in some way.  I want to protect him as much as possible without crippling him.  Nothing make me more angry that to see other children ignore him when he's trying to interact with them.  When I think and see the struggles he and daddy have, I cry over it.  Don't get me wrong, Underdog really does try.  There is just something that makes him a hard one for Underdog.  I think every parents has one of those.  

PeePooh has absolutely no problem following his sin nature wherever it may lead him.  And he doesn't have a problem telling you that he doesn't want to do work and that he hates it.  This part Wednesday started out no different.  The boy's laundry had not been folded the previous day so I thought we'd just go ahead and knock it out quickly in the morning. That did not sit well with him and he made the biggest mistake of his short 5 yod life.  When I asked him to sort the laundry into certain piles, he threw and tantrum and said "I ALWAYS have to do ALL the work."  Uh Oh!!  He used to very bad words. . .always and all.  Rather than the typical discipline for throwing a tantrum, I went on to remind him that although it's not true that he has ALL the work and ALWAYS has to do. . .except TODAY.  Let's just say that I go alot accomplished on that day.  And since that day, we haven't had as much complaining.

I took him to Walmart with me today.  He got to pick up a special spiral and was there to help me pick out new comforters for Bronco room that I am working to create.  He helped me load my cart with all the things I needed.  And he spent a good portion of his time "suggesting" all sorts of things I needed to purchase that I didn't have.  

As we were getting in the car I looked in and he was in the backseat standing on his head.  Most people would be impatient with that.  I have been in the past.  This time, though, I felt love.  It made me smile.  And the Spirit spoke to me.  There is no one else in the world that would have had the patience that little boys needs.  I was created just so he would have someone on his side.  Most kids like him would be labeled.  Not my boy.  He's just a little boy that needs someone to see his good sides because it's often the bad sides that's seen most clearly.  He needs someone to cheer him on when no one else will.  He needs someone who will gently remind him that we don't yell at people when we aren't getting our way.  And with that reminder, I lifted my head a little higher with the realization that this special little boy is mine.  God saw him as so special he gave ME to him.  He needed to be protected and God chose me!  


How about you?  Do you have a child that you know in your heart only YOU could mother as they need?  Consider the implications of that.  ALL of our children are like that.  It's not just the difficult ones that have been given to us. All of our children have very specific needs that only we, as their mothers, can meet.  Are we treasuring them as the gifts that they are?  

The Long Story of a Deceptively Short Labor

At 6:37pm Saturday, May 8, Little Leeli arrived on the scene of our very busy house.  I have said all along that she was a surprise and her arrival was no different.

Leeli's due date was two days before the big Arlington Homeschool Bookfair.  This is one of my favorite times of the year and I really wanted to go.  Since we're changing direction with school next, I was hoping to get there and take advantage of fair discounts and free shipping.  There was an added bonus to this year.  We were going to meet a family that we had befriended online as they are convention representatives for Rosetta Stone.  That was what I really wanted to do.  I had been praying for a while that God would allow Leeli to come early so that I could make it to the bookfair for all the reasons mentioned above.  That was not His plan but He did answer these in a different way.

We arranged to meet with the mother/daughter team coming to Arlington on Thursday before the bookfair opened.  They spent the day setting up and then they were going meet us for dinner.  We drove to them so they didn't have to maneuver through too much Dallas rush hour traffic.   But the morning of this meeting, I woke up with fairly consistent contractions and bloody show.  They weren't hard to work through.  Throughout the day, they slowed down so we decided to do anyway.  Of course, being in the bumpy van made everything start up again.  They weren't hard contractions but they were starting to require a bit of concentration.  They stayed fairly consistent through dinner and into the evening but finally fizzled out.  I did have trouble sleeping through the night but once I got up there just wasn't any thing left.

When I woke up on Friday morning, I debated going to the bookfair.  I had slept on the couch with a few contractions through the night.  I didn't want to drive an hour away and then have something happen.  But when we finally realized that I really wasn't doing much so we decided to just pack the whole family up and go get our books.  This is not something we'll ever do again until everyone is much older but it was kind of fun having everybody there.  They all dressed in a green shirt (their choice) in order to help mom and dad keep track of everyone.  I was able to get all my books and a few extras and all with no contractions.  I was still having bloody show but nothing else.

We came home around lunch and everyone took a nap.  As I woke up I started to have contractions start up again but they just weren't regular enough to time them.  They were, however, requiring more of me.  I was getting irritated with noises around me and just wanted everyone to go away.  Underdog started a movie and got dinner for the kids.  It was also our date night.  We get the kids dinner and sometimes they do a movie.  Then they go down a little earlier to bed.  Sometimes we cook dinner at home for ourselves and other times we order out.  That night, Underdog went to get Jason's Deli so I could have a California Club sandwich and a salad.  But as the evening progressed I just didn't want to do anything but sleep.  Eating just made me nauseous anyway.  About 45 minutes into our movie and a few bites of my meal, I went to bed.

The night was quite restless for me.  I didn't sleep much between the contractions.  They just simply weren't something I could time though.  There was so regularity to them.  I would have one then go seven minutes then have another and wait for another 15 minutes.  In all reality, that is quite typical of my labors.  But once I got up on Saturday there just wasn't much going on.  By mid-morning I felt like I was going insane and I called my midwife to tell her so.  She wanted me to find a way to relax and get some sleep through the afternoon.  I agreed and set out to do that.  I was still having contractions and they were taking concentration but still no regularity.  I was starting to feel them in my back but not bad enough to need help to get through them.  My plan for the day was to relax a bit (shopping on ebay :) and then spent some time with my family, including my parents, brother, his girlfriend, and my baby niece.  My brother and his family had come down to visit for Mother's Day and hopefully see the new cousin.  I was excited to see them all.

Just before my family arrived, the baby started moving in a way that was causing intense pain.  These were not contractions, although the movement often caused a contraction.  I got in a warm bath to see if it might calm her down and stop some of the pain.  But nothing helped.  By that time, the flood gates opened up.  I started crying uncontrollably.  Underdog finally came in to see if I was alright and I just cried.  I wanted the pain to stop.  This wasn't labor pain.  I could handle that (for the most part.)  These were sharp, sharp sensations that wouldn't let up.  Then a contraction would come on and make it all even worse.

I finally got most of this to stop so I went down to join my family and hold my niece.  She's beautiful and looks alot like I remember her dad looking (at least in my 5 yod memory.)  I talked for a bit with my mom and Carrie and then the baby started moving again.  I was rather embarrassed and rushed out of the room.  I was crying and Underdog had to help me up the stairs.  I had another contraction when I got upstairs.  I decided to try and start my nap.  About 20 minutes into my nap I had a contraction that I didn't think I would make it through.  The contractions were still coming so far apart though.  I am thinking that they really were at about seven to eight minutes apart.  Underdog took the kids out of the house so I could get some quiet but there would be no nap.  I finally called him to come home.  I needed help.   Length between the contractions is typically what you would see in early labor.  You definitely wouldn't see that spacing in transition but the contractions felt like transition.  I really was beginning to feel like I was insane.

I called Rose Marie, my midwife,  she recommended I get in the tub to see if that might slow things down.  She felt that perhaps I was just so overly tired from having walked the day before and not sleeping that my body was overreacting.  So I got in my birth tub.  It didn't help though.  Underdog got home and we decided that it would probably we best for the kids to go to my parents house.  So they came back to get them and decided without me to take overnight clothes just in case.  By this time it was about 5 to 5:30pm.  The contractions were so hard.  I was just about ready to give up.  Underdog called Rose Marie and they decided to put me to sleep with alcohol.  YUCK!!!!!  I could barely get the drink down.   I finally gave up.  I was done and I told Underdog so.  He was to take me immediately to the hospital so I could get pain relief and sleep!!!  He didn't go for it but humored me.  He wanted me to take a nap so he got me out. I found out later that he told Rose Marie that he thought I just needed sleep.  He was right to think so.  That is what I thought as well but the contractions wouldn't let me.

Now there is something I must explain at this point.  I have very specific signs of coming to the end of transition and very close to dilating completing.  First of all, I am usually done, get me to the hospital for pain relief.  Secondly, I hate wearing clothes at this point.  I am an extremely modest person but there is something about giving birth in your element that makes me want nothing to do with clothing. Midwives see this alot so they don't think anything of it.  So I had hit two of the signs.  The third is crying.  Well, I had started doing that much earlier in the afternoon. Finally, I get the shakes really bad toward the end.  The problem with all this is that I had ALL the signs of transition BUT the contractions were still seven to eight minutes apart.  Even my midwife didn't think anything was going on except exhaustion on my part.  I just confused and honestly afraid this was all in my head.

So I was on the bed after getting out of the tub and the contractions are coming really hard.  I needed pressure on my back which I actually remember hurting more.  Then I felt the strangest sensation. . . I felt like I needed to push.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  I had no idea where I was in the dilation process and I didn't want to do anything wrong to hurt myself.  But it wouldn't go away.  The only way to make things feel better was to push just a bit so I did.  Then I felt something strange.  It was bag of water.  Then it broke.  That was it.  That usually means that labor is imminent.  There was no turning back.  We called the midwife and I got back in the tub.

You must understand something else.  My water doesn't usually break until near the end.  Now I was really confused.  These are some hard transition like contractions coming every seven to eight minutes.  That was the consistant time of them ALL.  I got in the tub and suddenly things changed.  I wasn't purposely pushing but my body was.  I was getting really scared.  I thought I could feel a head. Panic begin to set it.  Underdog was amazingly calm and he called the midwife.

We found out later that Rose Marie called another midwife, Pam, who lives about 20 minutes from me.  My midwife was 20 minutes from me at that time as well.  It just so happened that the other midwife had just walked out of the movie with her daughter was 2 minutes from me.  I call that God's grace.  To be honest, I interviewed this midwife a couple of years ago and was hoping Rose Marie would think to call her.  I trusted her very much.

So the weird pushing sensation wouldn't go away, the contraction were changing, my back was screaming at me and I am screaming at baby to stop moving.  Yes, the movement from her was starting again.  I knew what that movement meant though.  She was readjusting for the final decent.  I was scared to death.  I am home alone with my husband in a full tub of water and this baby was coming with NO MIDWIFE.  Pam walked in started getting gloves out and towels ready.  Then it hit!!!!  That sudden feeling of GET THIS THING OUT OF THERE.  There was no stopping now.  I had passed transition without even knowing it.  Pam barely had time to get her gloves on before I had pushed her out.  She was arriving with just as much surprise as when we found out about her coming last summer.

Miss Leeli (that will be her blog name) was wrapped in her cord several times AND holding on to it.  Dad was ready to catch if necessary but he was glad he didn't have to.  It took a bit to get her unwrapped.  The amazing things is that Pam did not bring her up out of the water until she was unwrapped and she floated her to me to grab.  Water birth is amazing.  Babies don't take a breath until they hit air.  As she was coming up her eyes were wide open.  Several months ago I was at friends house to help with her older kids while she was birthing to her baby.  When we all finally got to go into the room I made a comment about how alert undrugged babies were.  She was puzzled at first having had all EIGHT of her babies at home.  But her midwife confirmed what I said.  The drugs that are given to moms in the hospital do indeed cross the placenta and it makes for VERY tired babies.  I have had 3 babies this way.  All I remember if that they simply wanted to sleep.  Imagine my surprise when I realized that babies really are born very alert and ready to interact with you.  Leeli was as alert as any baby I have seen and she's still that way.  She's not having to work the drugs out of her body.

Leeli was born at 6:37pm.  She weighed 9 1/2 pounds (my prediction) and had a 14 inch head (another one that I called.)  She was 21 1/2 inches long.  She has a full head of beautiful black hair, much like the color of her daddy's hair right now.  When I first saw her I thought she looked alot like Si-Bay.  They both have a perfectly round face and pretty little almond eyes.  On occasion I will see some of the Pee-Poohs face.  And then both my mom and I can see alot of my grandmother's face in her.  My grandmother had alot of Cherokee Indian in her so she had really high cheek bones.  I see that is Leeli's face.  I expect she will change over time but for right now, I am just having fun trying to determine who she looks like and when.

The aftermath of the birth was a bit trying for me.  My blood pressure was very low.  I lost just a bit more blood than they initially thought.  I was very dizzy as well.  At one point I ended up getting sick to my stomach.  Nothing made me feel better.  All I wanted to do was sleep.  The one thing I needed to do more than anything was empty my bladder but I couldn't.  It simply took me forever.  Until I was able to do that I was going to stay sick and dizzy.  So I was finally able to "run" with help to the potty and finally to empty my bladder.  But I was still so dizzy from the blood loss that I had to crawl back to my bed.  I can only imagine the sight.  HA!!!

I did eventually get to eat and keep food down.  By 10pm I was just simply ready to go to sleep with my baby girl.  She had other plans though.  When I finally was able to think straight after getting out of the tub, I nursed her for the first time.  She is truly a champ.  They was very little help needed to get her latched on right.  Thus, it's now her favorite past time.  And that was all she wanted to do that night.  She's good at nursing lying down so I was able to get a little sleep.  It also didn't help that Underdog was instructed to get me up every two hours to empty my bladder until my milk comes in.  URGH!!!  So between that and her wanting to nurse all night, I didn't sleep much.

The recovery hasn't been hard at all.  I am still a bit dizzy when I stand up so Rose Marie wants me resting alot.  I will go to the chiropractor on Thursday for an adjustment and to get Leeli her first adjustment.  The rest of the family is in a bit of teezy but that is to be expected.  The next several weeks are going to be quite an adjustment for us all.  But I thankful for the timing of her birth.  It the start of our summer session so we will use that as a time to do a bit of school as well as adjust to Leeli's new presence in our home.  I am so looking forward to her first year with us.

Pink with Daddy helping her hold her future roommate and best friend.

We said this last time with Pinky Poo, but we are done, really.  We thought we were after Pink.  We are pretty certain unless God has other plans, that we are truly done now.  My body is tired.  And I am ready to move to my next stage as a mom.  It's the first time both of us have been on the same page with a decision long before we ever discussed it.  And we believe we are in the will of God.  All I can say is that this was one of the best ways to end this stage of my motherhood.  I started my motherhood out on a pretty spring evening in May nearly 11 years ago.  That one was a surprise birth as well considering her due date was in June.  I ended the maternity stage of my motherhood on a beautiful spring evening as well finding a surprise involved.  Those in between have been full of fun and adventure.  I am so excited to see what God has in store for the next stage of motherhood and fatherhood for us.  And I am thankful that I get to do it with the greatest husband in the world and SEVEN of the most awesome children God could possible bring into our lives.  Thank you, Jesus, for the blessing of my family.

"Crying It Out" Harms Babies Brains

I love this article.  I have one baby that I cried it out with as a newborn.  I also burned the book that I got that advice from.  It was from the "Growing Kids God's Way" curriculum.  The secular side of that is called "Babywise."  I wouldn't even give my copies to Half Price Books.  I just got rid of it.  Please read this before considering crying it out with your infant.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/education/8636950.stm

Having Only Children Ages 6 and Younger

I call the years of children ages 6 and under "in the trenches."  I don't think I originated with me.  In fact, if I remember correctly I think I may have actually heard Sally Clarkson use that phrase.  After a few conversations with younger moms, I thought I would share some of the things I did while in the trenches that has really freed up my time now that I have older children.

Please read what I have here and pray before you attempt anything.  Makes sure that any ideas that I have are ideas the Lord has for your family.  And certainly don't attempt to do all of this at one time.  Pick what is most needful and go after that.

Kitchen

1)  Plastic dishes when possible - If it's possible and not costly, work your primary dishes to being plastic.  I have found the plastic plates and bowls that I do use with the children to be invaluable.  Why?  Because it allows you to get them involved in kitchen clean up without the stress of broken dishes.  (I realize that many are being to move toward more natural living - as are we - and plastic doesn't necessarily fit here.  I do believe that sometimes there are compromises that must be met.  I never microwave my plastic. . .NEVER.)

2)  Move all these dishes to a lower cabinet.  Why?  So you don't have to put away what they are getting out of the dishwasher.  This changed the whole way we did kitchen clean up.  They start emptying the dishes with an older sibling when they are 3 yod.  We start them on the silverware.

2)  Find some kid friendly lunches and dinners.  To begin training them at 4 & 5 yod to be in the kitchen and do things independently has been one of my best moves.  We start with learning how to spread nut butters (or peanut butter in our case since my 7 yod is allergic to nuts.)  With that they learn how to put the chips on a plate as well as a handful of carrots.  As they get older we move to gently and slowly slicing cucumbers (with mom's supervision, of course.)  One of my favorite kid friendly recipes is our family Simple Pasta Salad.  Yummy!!!  I used this recipe to teach them knife skills.  First they start by cutting black olives with a butter knife.  They eventually get to the move to a sharper knife as they prove to be trustworthy with the butter knife.

3)  Don't be afraid to include your children in kitchen clean up.  We have a family kitchen clean up every night.

Here is our kitchen clean up schedule:

EVERYONE - clears off their plate
Mom - change diapers, nurse baby
Dad - sweep the floor, supervise
11yod - load dishwasher (remember, most of this is plastic)
9 yod - take out trash, empty garbage bowl
7 yod - clean off rest of table, Thieves table (Thieves is a natural cleaning product that is made with antimicrobial essential oils.  I use this in place of bleach type cleaners.)
5 yod - take out recycle bag, move chairs
3 yod - move chairs
17 mod - w/ mom, helps with recyclables

Children want to be included in cleaning house and there is much they can do that doesn't always require help or supervision from mom.

Household Ideas

Kym Wright has an absolutely fabulous book called Women: Living Life on Purpose.  She includes a whole chapters on chores as well as a very thorough list of what children should be able to do at what age AND when they should have it mastered.  I bought this book for the chore list but it ended up becoming my favorite Bible Study as well.

Laundry 

Teach your kids to fold laundry early!!!  For those of us who are perfectionist, this is very hard to do.  But it is absolutely essential to our children that we lower standards a bit to train them in the process of work.  The standards can begin to return as they get older and are more capable of doing a thorough job.

We started with wash clothes and cloth diapers.  Then we move to the cleaning and bath towels.  Then it's on to your own laundry.  We hang alot of clothes in the house because I found it easier for little hands to actually do their laundry.  We also have limit drawer space so it just made better sense to hang things up.  We have a family closet as well, but that is another blog.

Using Appliances

I also start teaching them at age 5 how to run the washer.  I certainly didn't set them free to do all this at 5 yod but training them as left me able to do that now.  I don't wash laundry anymore.  My 5 & 7 yod empty the dryer when it's done.  My 11 yod moves the clothes from the washer to the dryer.  My 9 yod starts the next load of laundry.  We've been doing laundry this way for nearly 2 years now.  What a difference it made to take the extra time to train them in how to use the appliance.  Oh, I did the same with starting the dishwasher.

Safe Cleaning Supplies

I can't tell you enough how much healthier we are as a family when I switched using the heavy chemical cleaners to more natural and sometime homemade cleaners.  No only did it get the harsh chemicals out of the house (and made my life easier so I could breath again) but it opened up doors for my children to learn how to clean earlier.  My kids cleaned my bathroom this morning so that I can have a clean bathroom to birth my baby in if she comes this weekend.  They did a great job using baking soda, vinegar, and the Thieves cleaner I mentioned above.  They also LOVE to vaccum.

Emptying Trash Cans

Trash cans are a great job for little boys.  We call it a manly job and my girls do not do it (although they do know how.)  I do spend a bit of extra money to buy the yummy smelling trash bags but that is become the Walmart bags do not fit the size trash cans I prefer for the rooms.

I used to make what we called "Trash Bag Bags."  This simply held enough small white trash bags (vanilla smelling) for all the small trashes in the house) as 2 black trash bags to put them in when emptied.  I stored them in a gallon size zipper baggie that we would use for more bag later on.  We don't do it anymore because I have different boys on different parts of the house doing trashes.  It got too confusing trying to keep up with who needed what and where.  My 5 yod is about to take over this job and so I may go back to these bags to help him out.  He's more spacey than his older brother and could use the help.

Great Resources:

Here are some links to some great resources and cleaning supplies that I have found to be fantastic to use with my kids.  Some of these I have mentioned above.  I hope you are able to find something that will help you while you work in the trenches.  And remember, don't try to tackle everything at one time.  Pick ONE thing and help them learn it before you move on to the next.

The Clean Team
Young Living Essential Oils Thieves Cleaner (I am a consultant if you are interested in trying this.)
Managers of Their Homes**
Managers of Their Chores**
Women: Living Life on Purpose by Kym Wright
Sue Gregg - Lunches and Snacks cookbook (great for teaching kids)

**The Maxwell's also have a book called Managers of Their Schools.  If you are feeling overwhelmed with homeschooling your children and need a different perspective, this would be a great place to start.  They advocate using textbooks BUT you might find their reasonings are just what you need to bring peace back into your life.  We've chosen this path and are thoroughly enjoying the changes we've made so far.  By mentioning this book I am not saying you MUST change.  Nor are the authors.  But I found as I read the book that much of what they were saying are things I have thought or said in the past.  What peace we've found.

Up All Night

It's 4:30am.  I have been up since 2am when I started having contractions in my back again.  I knew if I didn't get up and compel her to move I would have them the rest of the night.  They stopped once I got up.  I came downstairs to get a snack.  I ended up finishing off the cornbread with another bowl of beans.  Not sure what I did differently the beans this time around but they were really good.  


I was joking through my facebook page the other day that the middle of the night might have more meaning if I actually had something to do.  HA!!!  I mean, I don't necessarily have a problem being up.  Often times if I am sleepless I will spend time praying.  Tonight I watched a movie that Underdog asked me to watch online.  But I find more meaning behind these middle of the night wake ups if there is someone to be with.  Not that I want my 3 yod who often has the longest run on sentences in the world to be up talking to me.  As much as I love the little guy, I need a break from him and he needs sleep.  That is true for all my precious blessings.  I also know that if they are up in the middle of the night, then tomorrow is going to be a LONG day.  No, the someone that I would love to spend my middle of the night with is a newborn.  


I remember when I was pregnant with my first.  I would be up at night enjoying a huge glass of milk (can't do that anymore though. . .dairy, especially processed milk makes me sick) in the glow of the street lamp in our apartment complex.  I would imagine being up in the middle of the night feeding my little one.  It would be quiet and peaceful.  I would listen to her quiet sucking.  I would cradle her.  Some things never change.  Although my midnight snack of choice has changed, I still sit here and wonder about my newest little girl.  What will she look like?  When I go back through baby pictures the resemblance between certain siblings is very obvious.  Who will she come out looking like?  Will she have a head full of brown soft downy hair like everyone else?  What will she weigh (a fun thought on the minds of all in this household as some vie to be the heaviest baby at 10.3lb while others fight to keep their status as smallest baby with the largest head)?  Will she nurse well?  When in the world will she join us?  


The waiting gets old but it's just part of life.  It's hard to convince yourself of that when you're exhausted being up all night for no reason.  For some reason, when I am up with babies and there is a reason to be up, I don't have many issues the next day.  But these nights right at the end of a pregnancy kill me.  I am so thankful for a husband who recognizes this and allows me leeway where his job allows to sleep in or nap.  I am very thankful for the thoughtfulness of my children who have been patient with my sleeping in and disrupting the schedule.  I am thankful for the grace God gives me.  Not only does He help me through my day but He's so patient with me when I have a bad attitude about waiting.  Despite the fact that I still have 2 weeks left (literally, I am 38 weeks today) my first two where born at 36 & 37 weeks.  I have forever struggled with going past those weeks and seriously wanting to have my babies early.  I am tired, big, uncomfortable.  But God is merciful to me.  He gives me strength for my day.  He is my rock.  


This is my favorite verse:  

You keep him in perfect peace

whose mind is stayed on you,

because he trusts in you.

Trust in the Lord forever,

for the Lord God is an everlasting rock. 

Isaiah 26:3-4

My biggest goal right now is to keep my eyes of Him.  If I don't I will go insane with the waiting.  That is probably more true when I have these nights of contractions that appear to be doing nothing.  I know they are doing something. . .they just aren't producing a baby.  But I won't be pregnant forever.  They do have to come out at some point.  HA!!!  And I eagerly wait her arrival so that my middle of the night takes on more meaning than just getting a midnight snack and blogging.  Although I do pray during these times, my prayers become more intense as I watch the little life in my arms taking in nourishment.  She has a heart that is hostile to God even now.  I must intercede on her behalf and ask God to save her.  When I pray this for one child, it simply increases my prayer for another.  I know my prayers now make a difference.  They just change when you're actually holding another life in your arms that is completely dependent upon you.  

Pregnancy Update

It never occurred to me that I should do updates on my pregnancy.  Seems silly since I only have 3 weeks and 2 days until my due date.  LOL!!!  Nonetheless, I shall pick it back up (I think I was doing some blogging about it while on bedrest.)

I had a tremendous amount of fear surrounding this pregnancy in the beginning.  God has been gracious to take that fear and turn it towards Him.  I was fearful of having no energy like my last one.  When I have no energy I am simply not an engaged mother.  Well, I certainly didn't want that again.  Talk about a blow when I was put on bedrest and essentially cut off from my family.  But I didn't allow myself to be cut off.  We still did school.  Even had our same fun for Thanksgiving (maybe even more fun since I was kind of forced to stop and simply do what I have been wanting to do for a long time.)

After the bedrest ended in December I seemed to have an abundance of energy.  It was the holiday season, which is my favorite, plus I was in the beginning of the second trimester so I was having fun just being able to be somewhere in the house other than my bedroom.  The energy level stayed at a high until my iron dropped at around 28 weeks.  That was easily fixed with my Florodix and some extra chloophyll.  I have kept that up pretty regularly since.

I wasn't until about 2 weeks ago that I really felt myself slow down.  I think the baby put on about 10 pounds. . .of wait, that was me.  LOL!!!  Or so it felt like she and I had both put on weight.  Come to find out, I have been carrying alot of extra water.  Even in the midst of that, God was gracious to give me energy and keep me going.

The past week has been a little rough.  I hit the peak on the excess water last weekend.  My legs had been swollen all along.  I thought I was just carry extra weight in them.  Then my ankles swelled beyond recognition.  It scared me a little, especially since my last urine test revealed that I was put off protein.  My blood pressure was fine but it still concerned me a little.  So I started extra doses of the herbs to flush my liver AND I sat in a warm epsom salt bath.  That helped flushed alot of extra water.  If I don't watch my sugar intake, then I start retain alot of water.

This weekend has been interesting.  I think the baby dropped on Friday afternoon sometime.  I could suddenly breath better.  But let me tell you, her big head was putting lots of pressure on my cervix and I pretty much the contractions changed.  The hormones started changing as well.  I have been very emotional, crying at the drop of a hat.  I am also sick to my stomach like morning sickness all over again.  I can't sleep either, at least not comfortably.

God's grace again reigns.  He's been gracious to help me persevere and not get caught up focusing on myself. The worship service yesterday was especially meaningful as He gently reminded me where my eyes needed to be at this time.  Definitely not on myself, but on Him.  All that I do should be for His glory.  Withdrawing into myself, as I always do at the end of a pregnancy, and feeling sorry for myself because I am ready to be done doesn't bring Him glory at all.  This was my greatest fear.  I didn't want to get to the end and completely lose my focus on Him.  And He's been helping me stay centered.  He's helping me to trust His timing in all this, even though I have prayed that she might safely come early. . .according to His will.

I have an appointment with my midwife tomorrow afternoon.  We start the weekly appointments now.  Yea!! My tub is set up in my bathroom and my birth kit is assembled.  I am still washing and fold all the extra towels and then will move to making sure her clothes are all washed and ready to be worn.  (I don't use dryer sheets but can smell the heavy chemicals all over the clothes I bought for her.  They were used from a consignment sale.  They make me sick just smelling them.  I am want to smell her sweetness NOT the dryer sheet's.)  I am continuing to keep school going for my older kids while I work around the house to fulfill the nesting desire that I have right now.  I have been working to purchase our new curriculum used and I am slowly collecting that.  And I have peace about her arrival and it's timing.

For the record, I have been praying that she would safely come early.  Why?  Well, honestly, I want to go to the homeschool book fair that is taking place 4 days after my due date.  LOL!!!  Isn't that silly?  But it's not just to go to the bookfair.  There is a precious family that Underdog and I have befriended through Facebook.  I think they found Underdog on this blog somewhere.  Well, the mom and her older daughters will be at the fair that weekend representing Rosetta Stone and I just really want to meet them.  I can forgo the fair if it's needed but I would disappointed if I didn't get to meet them in person.  They are just such a neat family.

One thing I did forget to mention is that I have started itching again.  My feet and hands are burning an itching.  This is usually where the cholestatis of pregnancy itching starts out.  I do have itching on the rest of my body but the burning hasn't started.  I would appreciate prayers over this.  Cholestatis can lead to stillbirth in babies its bad enough and you go past 38 weeks of pregnancy.  I have had it with all my girls and have gone past with 2 of them (my water broke with my first.)  It would be nice to simply induce labor next week but I struggle with the risk involved there as well.  The inductions never seem to work right.  I will praying for wisdom and discussing this with my midwife tomorrow.  In the meantime, I have to endure the itching and burning.  It's worse at night, hence the not sleeping well.