Friday, September 17, 2010

Winning Your Daughters Heart

Raising Homemakers

I am very passionate about winning the hearts of my little girls before they reach a point where they have been deceived into thinking that I no longer matter in their lives.  Notice I said deceived.  I meant it as well.  There is nothing a young girl needs more in her tween and teen years than her mother.  Sadly, so many moms have decided that these years are to be survived and that the fight for the hearts of their girls isn't worth it.  They leave the raising to the schools and often times the peers of their children.  But this is the time to engage their hearts in meaningful conversation that is centered on the gospel and how it will be lived out in their lives.  Will they waste these years or will they live them fully for the glory of God?  And lest you think that tween and teen can live for the glory of God, I challenge to NOT to find example of this in scripture. 

Think if David against Goliath. 

Think of Daniel when we stood up boldly against taking the diet of the king.  Daniel insisted, instead, on a diet that wouldn't defile his body and in the end he proved to be trustworthy.  He did that while still a young man.  This strength of character later led to him being able to defy the kings orders to bow to no one but the king.  He continued to bow to God.  This also found him face to face with a lion.

Think of Jesus in the temple.  Is He not our most excellent example?

What about the boy with the fish and loaves?

What about Miriam as she followed after her baby brother and was able to bring him back to mom? 

What of Joseph who as a young man served faithfully as a slave?  His faithfulness eventually led to the salvation of his family int he midst of a famine.

What of Ester who was thrust into the roll of queen and whose action eventually saved the lives of all of God's people?

These are all young people in the Bible who made a significant impact on the course of history.  Unlike most tweens and teens of our day, these young people showed a love for the Lord and was lived out in circumstances that were sometimes frightening and many times dangerous. 

Are we winning the hearts of our children and leading them in this direction?  Or are we allowing the culture to drive them?  If it's culture that drives our children then they will likely have a focus on self.  This focus on self will manifest itself in the worship of clothing, make up, teen idols, social media, ungoldy self-centered music, and an empty relationship with you.  Instead of handing them over to this culture to be influenced and lead astray, become pro-active in winning their hearts.  Be willing to say no, especially to social media too early.  Teach them to learn to love letter writing.  HA!  OK, so maybe that is a bit too far back.  But I admit, I don't allow email or cell phones for my young people because I do think it is a good discipline to know how to write a personal letter.  Writing is a lost art anymore.  There are even schools that are beginning to drop handwriting.  So sad.  Writing can bring such joy to our children, young and old.  I digress.

Ladies, run after your girls.  Do not let them get a taste for this culture.  Certainly help them understand what is out there but don't let them taste it's deceptive delicacies.  Equip them to engage the culture.  But I believe it's possible to equip them to engage the culture without throwing them to the wolves in the process.

Perhaps I am naive.  My oldest daughter is only now entering her tween years.  I am crying out to God in so many ways right now.  I may learn along the way that this stance is not realistic.  I may learn that my daughter doesn't want me to have her heart.  There is so much that can happen.  But right now this is my belief and it is what I attempting to practice with my own children.

Your thoughts?  Am I naive?  Is it possible to keep the hearts of our daughters from this culture?  For those of you with older girls.  Any advice?  I am all ears.


  1. My daughter is 16, and I am blessed to be able to say I still have her heart. There are still struggles. She will act like she doesn't care what I think at times, but she often ends up doing what I told her I thought best. Don't give up. It is so worth it. I'm holding on to the dream that I will keep her heart till it's time to go to her future husband.

  2. A BEAUTIFUL post! I love the Raising Homemakers site, saw the title of your article and came right over. I have a 12 year old girl. I know I still have my girl’s heart, but some days it's very, very hard. They are coming into a difficult age, and sometimes I feel so weary and disconnected to her. But it gets better. At times I resort to humor. Other times I cry.

    One thing I love to do with my daughter is have "couch time" where we sit on the couch and visit and share what's on our hearts. And we love to go on mother daughter dates, too.
    To combat my fears about my daughter entering middle school and create an opportunity for her to remain grounded in Christ-like friendships; I created a life group for her and her friends called “The Whatever Girlz”, based on Philippians 4:8. It’s been a bit slow starting but we’re up and running and the girls and mothers alike love it. Please feel welcome to visit our blog at:

    May the Lord bless you as you seek to keep your daughter close to your heart.


  3. I, too, have a daughter nearing her tweens, and I am also devoted to her rearing as a woman of God. I think that's all we really can do - our very best. It's up to the individual to make the decision...

    Thank you for sharing through the Homemaking Link-Up at Raising Homemakers.

  4. I love this post! I have two daughters, 3 years and 11 months. I pray every day that I can keep their hearts from the world! I have no advice for you (since I am not very close to the tween years!), but I have heard that it takes work, but it is entirely possible to keep our daughters from giving their hearts to the world!

  5. What a beautiful post - thankyou. I need to be reminded at times how important our role as mother is!