Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Trusting God

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

How much do we really obey this commandment in our lives? I mean, really. How much do we trust God completely with our lives and how much of our lives need to be conducted with simple common sense? I have been contemplating this idea for a while.

Proverbs 3:5-6 is a verse that is often over used. At least in my opinion. It's used more as a token to say to people when things are uncertain. I just wander how many people take it seriously. Do we really trust God? Do we make decision because common sense tells us it's the right thing even when God will tell us that man's wisdon is foolishness to God?

I am in one of those places where I believe I am being called to completely trust God with the unknowns in my life and in some cases throw off common sense. From family size to what to do with our school to simply waiting for Underdog to make a decision that I would normally make, this is my life. I am doing alot of waiting right now.

Does common sense play into how we acknowledge Him? He's a God that doesn't often make sense to human's. To the world around me I am working foolishness to trust Him with certain areas of life that supposedly "need" my common sense. By not trusting common sense but trusting God, I am acknowledging Him in all my ways and I am definitely NOT leaning on my own understanding.

I am personally being challenged to acknowledge Him in ways I never have before. For instance, there are several things on my "we kind of need this" list that I have been asking Him to give us. I am not trying to test God with this one. I am just trusting that if it's truly a "need" we have then he will provide. Two of these "needs" include modest swimsuits for my girls. I just simply can't afford to purchase the swimsuits that I want for them. I hate swimsuits. I just simply do not understand what the difference is between wearing your bra and panties to the pool and wearing a fancy bathing suit. They are cut the same and show the same amount of flesh. I would love to have some of the modest suits that have been designed by several families and homeschoolers in recent years. I could get the pattern and possibly sew them. But by the time I did that it would cost me over $100 for suits they won't wear for very long. Granted it wouldn't always cost that much but the initial investment is just not something we can afford right now.

I am also asking for help in finding creative past times for my preschoolers during free times in our day. I am desperately trying to replace our noisy plastic toys with other more productive and meaningful toys. Um, they cost alot of money. What do I do now? I am convicted to provide more productive toys and pass times for my kids but we don't have the money to afford it. It's not a need but it is an area of obedience I am trusting God to help provide.

School has been a huge leap of faith for me. Normally by this time I have all my plans for next year together and I am working to get us started by the beginning of July. I feel no urgency this year. I am truly just resting in the relaxed nature of our days right now. I believe that He has given us this time as a time for training in character and habits. We began that training today and I am bushed now. There are lots of bad character traits to work out of hearts when you have 5 little sinners AND yourself.

The greatest area of trust I am gaining right now is placing Underdog in the hands of my Savior. He is a good family leader but he struggles to lead me as a wife. I am not that easy to lead. I still tend to carry the contentious wife persona with me. He soooooo good at working with the kids and teaching them and leading them to Jesus. But I think he wrestles with how to lead adults and I am the foremost adult in his life. There are areas with the kids and school, particularly, that I desperately want his input and leadership. As I have prayed for him regarding this area, I have sensed the Spirit leading me to simply continue in my prayers and wait. I always try to run ahead of him and/or just do it for him. Not this time. I want him to tell me what to do in the areas that involve our children, their education and training, and other areas. God is working such wonderful sanctification in his life. I can't wait to see what He does with him next. So I wait in faith that God is growing Him. He just needs me to move out of the way. (As I was writing that I was reminded of areas where I have recently seen him lead me. Answered prayer.)

Trust is a hard thing. But the more you practice it, the easier it becomes. There are still areas where I am seriously questioning what God is doing in my life. There is one specific area where I am fearful. I am having to deal with my sinful heart before the Lord everyday. But He's got enough grace and mercy to cover even my questions. And perhaps in the middle of this wrestling, like Jacob, he will bless me (and possibility leave me crippled so I will remember the wrestling I did before Him. How humbling.) The blessing could very likely be the limp I carry with me to show other people just how faithful He is in our lives as we do wrestle with Him.

By His Daily Grace, I am trusting in the Lord, leaning not on my own understanding and common sense. I acknowledge my need for Him and His work in my life. And I am blessed to see him leading me in straights paths. This makes it ever so much easier to trust Him in the curves that inevitably come my way.

"All the way my Savior leads me
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His faithful mercies?
Who through life has been my guide
Heavenly peace divinest comfort
Ere by faith in Him to dwell
For I know whate'er fall me
Jesus doeth all things well

All of the way my Savior leads me
And He cheers each winding path I tread
Gives me strength for every trial
And He feeds me with the living bread
And though my weary steps may falter
And my soul a-thirst may be
Gushing from a rock before me
Though a spirit joy I see

And all the way my Savior leads me
Oh the fullness of His love
Perfect rest in me is promised
In my Father's house above
When my spirit clothed immortal
Wings it's flight through the realms of the day
This my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way"

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