Saturday, October 17, 2009

Bedrest Update

Well, I have started day 6 of bedrest. Personally, this is the for the birds. LOL!!!! No, no, I know there is a purpose. God is already using it in my life in ways I never dreamed. My children are learning alot about how Christ served the church. . .by laying it down. It's been a sacrifice for all of us. Although I feel that I just sitting around being lazy, I realized this morning that my area of serving is toward this little life growing within me. Right now, God is calling me to sacrifice what "I" want to do and do what He wants me to do.

Through the week, I have had many old memories brought back from the past 10 years. As I have had to wean Pinky Poo to a bottle there were floods of emotions and memories from when JB and BroncosFan were babies. In the midst of that, I had a dream about the old house in Carrollton where these two spent part of the baby and toddlerhood. Yesterday we had the opportunity to drive by that house and show the kids. Everywhere I drove yesterday, I could see the way it used to be. New stores that had replaced the old stores and memories of what took place there. These weren't just memories from the past 10 years. Those memories wen very far back.

In the midst of all the memories, I had a strong since of sins that have gone uncomfessed. Perhaps they were sins of mine that I had actually put off on other people. Hurts from my past that had areas I needed to own. Realization that I had seriously dropped the ball in areas of my life that I just didn't want to own. . .until now.

Since I am resting today, I decided to rest in a warm hot bathtub. LOL!!! Sometimes you do your best praying when you're relaxed. I do. The floodgates opened. I couldn't stop confessing to the Lord the mistakes I have made a mom in my past. Oh, the freeing effect of giving those sins to God to be completely forgiven. How wonderful it is to be free!!

With confession must come the repentance. The turning the other direction. What does that look like? I hae no clue. But I hopeful in the Lord that He will direct me. If He's behind leading me to confess all these, then He'll show me the change. He'll show me the way to go with each step in this process.

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